Refusing Rejection that Comes from Abuse

I have had painful experiences that were designed to disillusion, hinder my purposes, and destroy my identity. I know that I am not alone in walking through these adversities. When someone is responsible for us, but does not show love and concern through actions and instead tells us they love us in words only it is called “crazy making.” Crazy making is a form of abuse where we receive lip service but no action to back it up and we may be left dazed and confused. If we confront the situation, it’s thrown back at us, twisted, and we are made to feel as if we are to blame.

Sometimes my first reaction is to curl up in a ball and cry. Some of us may lash out in anger. Other times we may lick our wounds, and try again to confront and use conflict resolution, but still our efforts are met with resistance and we feel even worse.

We feel betrayed by our authority figures when they should have protected, us but instead they were the ones who have harmed us. Maybe our partners were distant, unavailable, and didn’t hear us or meet our needs. Maybe someone told us how much they loved us all the while invalidating and minimizing our feelings or concerns. Maybe we were sacrificed on the altar of someone else’s desires or perceptions.

If we were bold enough to confront, perhaps we were defined as the problem so they could escape accountability. We may have expected them to cover us and protect us only to find they were the one holding the bazooka that was pointed at us. It can leave us feeling crushed, but we can be overcomers through all circumstances.

Regardless of if these experiences came through family, marital, relational, or spiritual abuse, it can wound us to the depth of our soul if we allow it. When I say abuse, so many of us think “no one hit me, or called me blatant names.” Subtle forms of verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse are epidemic and very destructive. Learn to identify their characteristics. Our first indicator is to feel sick inside, feel condemned, feel like the rug has been pulled out from under us, we feel crazy, and we just feel like hiding or walking on eggshells.

The wounds we receive from someone in authority over us cut deeply. If it came from our parents as we grew up, it probably harmed our self-image instead of teaching us we were cherished and loved by God. The Bible says:

“No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.” Isaiah 54:17 (NIV)

Who needs to refute or reject what has been spoken to us? When we have been negatively defined by someone’s behavior or words it is us who must not receive the message into our soul. We must reject anything that does not align itself with what God says about us and not allow ourselves to be corrupted by the experience. By not allowing ourselves to be corrupted, I mean forgive those who harmed us, use godly life skills and boundaries, and don’t become cynical and self-protecting. When we go through even the most terrible of experiences God can use it for our good. God never promises that all things are good, but He promises that He will bring good out of them if we let Him.

“And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NET)

Called according to His purpose means having a heart God can teach, and being willing to change. He can draw us deeper into His presence and give us a root system in Him that goes so deep that no storm can move us. Go deeper into Him and find your true identity, healing, stability, strength, and purposes.

Dr. Michele

Copyright © 2014 by Michele Fleming Ph.D.